50 Things I'll Never Do

1. Brutally murder someone.
2. Own a pet snake (they eat cute things).
3. Become a lawyer.
4. Go Skydiving.
5. Do illegal recreational drugs.
6. A woman.
7. Sleep with a friend's lover.
8. Like asparagus.
9. Pierce my nose.
10. Own a cow.
11. Program in C++.
12. Name my child "Bertha," or "Jim Bob."
13. Mock someone for being gay.
14. Knowingly eat bull penis.
15. Become a famous singer.
16. Perform on Broadway, for that matter.
17. Dislike Saved!
18. Enjoy wearing heals.
19. Donate a kidney.
20. Become a carpenter.
21. Become a professional athlete.
22. Kill and eat my dog.
23. Have the last name, "Smith."
24. Run a marathon.
25. Get breast implants.
26. Own a $10+ million dollar home.
27. Watch "The Human Centipede."
28. Own a closet of cashmere sweaters.
29. Enjoy country music.
30. Make a rubber band.
31. Star in a porno.
32. Own a ferrari.
33. Meet Heath Ledger.
34. Compose something as great as Shakespeare.
35. Weigh 300lbs.
36. Have a sex change.
37. Be a member of the KKK.
38. Become a vegan by choice.
39. Pose as someone else for their job.
40. Rebuild a telephone from scratch.
41. Dye my hair gray.
42. Piece my nipples.
43. Write a book in another language.
44. Like The 5th Element.
45. Take a calculus class.
46. Be comfortable eating red peppers.
47. Become a chemist.
48. Enjoy running.
49. Call in a Hit for my spouse, whether past or present.
50. Play the tuba.